What’s Done

It’s been a while since I’ve been struggling with my sexuality.

I enjoy women and men, but prefer women. I think about being fucked, enjoyed, publicly displayed, shared and spoken about sexually.

My fantasies aren’t the same af the average person’s, does theday make me extremely weird?

Mostly likely, but I’m wired this way.

There are times I feel my nipples are very hard and obvious to everyone, but it’s not true.

There are times I’m so fucking wet that I believe everyone can smell my arousal, but that’s not true.

The only one that knows is me!

It’s a curse to feel and think the way that I do, isn’t it?

Why the fuck am I ALWAYS horny?

Public Shares

I am turned on at the aspect of public sharing. If only I were younger and more physically attractive I’d love for someone to do that to me. I fantasize a great deal about it. Pornhub has my viewing it plenty of times. To be vulnerable and at the mercy of someone else controlling what others do to me sexually, wow! That shit is hot to me.

Not being able to tell anyone no when they want to fuck me in public in front of others.

I just recently watched a video where a female stripper was approached on stage by another woman and the woman ate the stripper’s pussy as everyone cheered her on. It was arousing to see that the female that was eating the stripper’s pussy invited other women onstage to enjoy the woman’s pussy as she spread the stripper’s pussy and held the other women’s heads to the stripper’s pussy. The cheers got louder and it was obvious that the stripper was enjoying being on such display that way.

Whether it was staged or not, that shit was hot!

I wished that I could have that do to me, especially when I was younger and had the body for it. Knowing that others enjoy the taste of my pussy and nipples in their mouths and there would be no way for me to stop them as they made me wetter and eventually cum; over and over again.

I love that my nipples are ultra sensitive, all the mouths that would’ve been licking, sucking and pinching on them would’ve made me cum alone. Knowing that numerous pairs of eyes were looking at my tits and wet, spread pussy and I could not get away from them turns me the fuck on. I imagine; mostly women, having their way with me. I like dick, but I love pussy more. Being bi-sexual has it’s advantages, but when I masturbate and watch porn, I think of lesbian sex and how a woman would ensure that other women would enjoy me.

Heck, I have even had fantasies of this said woman exposing and sharing me with a female family member, just because she could. The humiliation from the experience would be arousing enough that the other person would see the sexual power the woman has over me.

The latest fantasies have been of a woman being sexually exploited at her own lesbian wedding reception in front of all the female guests. The bride would be stripped in front of her new wife as the twin of the bride would strip her and enjoy her sexually in front of everyone. The thrill of the fantasy is that the bride’s wife watched jealously knowing that she herself had never seen her naked, touched, or tasted her bride before and now her twin sister is showing everyone just how arousing the bride is. They will always remember how she looked naked, how she looked and sounded when she came, and that her she was sexually enjoyed in front of her wife before she could herself.

I am not sure why that fantasy arouses me or why I even started thinking about it, but it does arouse me. I am not saying that that’s what I would like done to me, but wow, the variations I have had about that fantasy. At times I’ve thought about how at the reception the twin would invite a couple of the bride’s employees to the reception just so that she could have them enjoy her sexually as well after she made the bride cum. The wife would by that time be proud of the fact everyone saw how beautiful the bride is naked and sexually, that she’d be extremely happy to see the bride’s employees being in control of their boss sexually in front of everyone. I have even fantasized at times that the employees would have video of it as their screen savers at work so that everyone could see what they did to her at her reception. I have even fantasized of versions where the twin hypnotized the wife to say that she would never enjoy her bride sexually or see her naked because she would be the only enjoying her sister-in-law sexually.

Yes, my fantasies are twisted and that’s why I usually keep to myself. I don’t believe that anyone would relate to the sexual arousal I get from these thoughts…any of my sexual thoughts, be-it I want them to be true or not, they turn me on.

I’m Not Who You Think

People that see me daily don’t know the secret nympho that I am.

I dress down and am more aggressive rack day than I am sexual. Only the the ones I allow to strip my clothes off can see that attitude of me. Most people try to figure out whether I’m gay, straight, single, or in a relationship.

I don’t give them an answer.

I am private…to an extent, depending on the situation or person. But for the most part, I am an element of surprise.

His Spot, My Spot, Our Spot

It’s not the traditional spot we were looking for, but it’s our thing. Sometime once a week, sometimes up to three times a week. The motel we frequent isn’t quaint or ritzy, it’s just someplace we go to so that we can be there for each other.

I know he has a lot of feelings for me; more than I am capable of reciprocating, or maybe I am, I’m just not voicing them like he is.

He’s a great guy, very intuitive to my needs and wants, but I just can’t let that wall come down to say that I have feelings for him; which I know I do. But that could be because of the three-year sex/relationship drought he just replenished me from:

THE SEX IS FUCKING AWESOME! (pun intended)

I say to myself each time, “This will be the last time!” With all intend of never meeting him in our spot again. Sure, we have real conversations about all types of things:

• Society issues
• Personal goals/plans
• Daily issues (good, bad, indifferent)
• Family life
• Work life

How do I not appreciate that each day he tries to make me feel special/good and I do my best to reciprocate the same.

When I am in our spot, I want to cut us off from the world and not think about how we aren’t really a couple, just fuck buddies. I have grown accustomed to lying next to him that it annoys me to sleep in my own bed, ALONE.

Why couldn’t we have met years ago, before all the nightmarish shit that has happened to me?

Our spot is so wrong, but feels so unbelievably right. I am dead wrong for wanting his presence with me all the time. He hasn’t looked at me negatively in the least after knowing all of the negative shit I have done. I am hardcore most times because I have to be and he seems to be softening some of my hard edges. That’s something I get defensive about with him and he knows damn well that he is chiseling away at my wall.

Our spot doesn’t have a lot of space, but it doesn’t need to have a great deal of it.

I love the way the tip of his cock hits the back of my throat and to hear his moan when I take it all in. His looks aren’t exactly GQ, just as mine aren’t Cosmopolitan style. We are just ordinary people, that have serious wants and needs. He doesn’t have a singing voice, but he serenades me with the right words that tug at my heart.

I don’t know where I end up with this dude. He’s aware of the lifestyle I wish to live and is very interested in it, not trying to shoot me down becasue of it.

His spot, my spot, our spot has plenty of space in it.

No Toes For Me, Thanks

I’m not a foot fetish type of chick.

I admire pretty feet, but I am not sucking anyone’s toes! Not now, not ever. I won’t allow anyone to do that to mine, no matter if they were just washed or had a pedicure. There’s just something about it that turns me off.

If I’m watching Pornhub and I’m aroused, I’ll instantly get turned off when I see spitting and toe sucking/licking. 🤢🤮 Hey, to each their own, but omg…

I. Just. Can’t!

My new sex buddy, on our first day was informed of this. I think they forgot because when they tried to go for it, they got kicked in the face (still didn’t stop the mood though, that was great). It wasn’t intentional, it was a reflex, but I am quite sure they won’t try that again; at least not with me.

I have never had anyone mess with my feet and at this rate, I am sure I never will.

Open Availablity

Is it just me that thinks of; at times, being sexually engaged by a stranger? Maybe one day being on the crowded train and my tits are almost in front of someone due to the crowded train and they begin to fondle my tits while I hold onto the rail for balance. Especially if I am in the corner and no-one can see the stranger cupping my tits with their hands shoved up my shirt. Sliding their hands under my bra to feel the stiffness of my nipples against their probing and pinching fingers. I don’t think I would even stop them as I stand there helpless. The back and forth motion of the moving train would propel me toward them and I would feel them lift my shirt out of view of others and begin to suck on my throbbing nipple.

I at times get wet on my daily commute thinking about it. One of their fingers would be probing my wet pussy at the same time as their mouth continued to suck hard on my nipple and I would stand there trying not to make a sound as this stranger enjoyed taking from me what they wanted, and without warning would abruptly stop and exit the train as they probably reached their stop. I would try to modestly adjust my shirt and try to stop my pussy for cumming from the experience that I just endured.

This is just a fantasy that has plagued my mind at times because I am that freaky, I guess. If it were to really happen to me, I might just try to kick the person’s ass and call the police from embarrassment, who knows.

I am sharing these thoughts with you because I am not ashamed to admit my thoughts with you. Sex is constantly on my mind.

Rising Heights

I want to feel hornier than I can ever dream.

I know that I feel things and it’s hard to let them out.

It’s been 3 years since anyone’s touched me.

I have someone I send nudes to and je had taken pride in showing them off…

Because he’s my Master and wants to be happy with me being his spot slut… for him, Sir Derek and Sir Rick.

My servitude hasn’t ended and he enjoys the bounds he has over me… even from another state.

He’s had me video chat and put my on display. I was not permitted know or see my virtues viewers because their reactions/responses were simply for my Master’s pleasures.

I’ve been secretly signed displayed more than I could ever imagine. Nipples hard and throbbing. Pussy pink and wet, so moist… for I do not know the true count of all I’ve made bust a nut in the privacy of their own homes.

Master gladly brags how how he is at their reactions and that’s I will send him more pictures today of his slut.

Think I Want Better?

FACING MY REALITY

I have never really been in a polygamous relationship; although I thought that I would’ve been in one the way my life was going. I am the type of person that never really stayed monogamous, no matter what relationship I have been in. There were times I have hidden my infidelity and then there were times the main person knew and judged me for my desires and left me.

I just want to be myself. I am bisexual and want the best of both worlds where I don’t have to choose between whether I can be with a man or woman or just one person. I am not sure where my life is going, but I have been single since the summer of 2017 and yes, I do get extremely lonely and get tired of satisfying myself regularly.

Since this pandemic, it definitely keeps me to myself. I don’t want anyone breathing in my direction and so I find that I am grateful; in a sense, that I am alone.

PORNHUB IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND

The more I say I am not going to look at Pornhub each day, the more my search engine seems to be opened up to it. I still have urges to be with others, but that is definitely a hard pass for me right now. Maybe it was meant to be that I am alone.

Maybe.

I long to be wanted, needed, loved, and admired. I know that if I had to be quarantined with someone, we’d be fucking all day, every day!

My search engine is filled with lesbian porn. I do occasionally look at the soft BDSM, and group sex videos (lesbian and heterosexual) because voyeurism and submission are my thing.

When I am out and about my thoughts wander to if I would actually fuck anyone I see as “hot” and if they consider me as “hot” as well.

This is just a rant because I am lonely and off from work today, no essential working for me…which I find I barely have time to think my own private thoughts. Just wanted to be myself today…

Constant Thoughts

Am I the only one that despite everything, still thinks about sex?

I am not rushing to meet and greet with anyone no time soon, but my mind still wanders. But working the crazy hours I work, I don’t even have a moment with myself.

Patience

I apologize for the lack of posts… I’m transitioning into a new job and hopefully will be back on track next week.

I miss y’all a great deal.

I have the ideas I’d like to share with you, but I want them to be right not haphazardly given.

Please be patient with me.

Love you all,

Zena Ann