FACING MY REALITY
I have never really been in a polygamous relationship; although I thought that I would’ve been in one the way my life was going. I am the type of person that never really stayed monogamous, no matter what relationship I have been in. There were times I have hidden my infidelity and then there were times the main person knew and judged me for my desires and left me.
I just want to be myself. I am bisexual and want the best of both worlds where I don’t have to choose between whether I can be with a man or woman or just one person. I am not sure where my life is going, but I have been single since the summer of 2017 and yes, I do get extremely lonely and get tired of satisfying myself regularly.
Since this pandemic, it definitely keeps me to myself. I don’t want anyone breathing in my direction and so I find that I am grateful; in a sense, that I am alone.
PORNHUB IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND
The more I say I am not going to look at Pornhub each day, the more my search engine seems to be opened up to it. I still have urges to be with others, but that is definitely a hard pass for me right now. Maybe it was meant to be that I am alone.
I long to be wanted, needed, loved, and admired. I know that if I had to be quarantined with someone, we’d be fucking all day, every day!
My search engine is filled with lesbian porn. I do occasionally look at the soft BDSM, and group sex videos (lesbian and heterosexual) because voyeurism and submission are my thing.
When I am out and about my thoughts wander to if I would actually fuck anyone I see as “hot” and if they consider me as “hot” as well.
This is just a rant because I am lonely and off from work today, no essential working for me…which I find I barely have time to think my own private thoughts. Just wanted to be myself today…